A Perspective of Peace and Trust

Good golly I have been wanting to write this all out for a long time. I’ve wanted to vent out every last thought in my head and even scream a little bit. But my desire was to complain and have others be angry alongside me, and that is so wrong of me.

So here I am. Humbled and in need of a reminder, a reminder that I’d like to share with you. Let’s chat…

A quick rundown on life right now, it’s a good 4/10. Which sounds bad, but it’s better than it was, slowly but surely.

It all started in early December, I started having some health issues, health issues that have caused me to change my entire diet, be careful about what and when I eat, and have cut cheese fries out of my weekly dining plan (big sad move right here). This was in the midst of finals, which went better than I suspected. Then I went home for break and I was in much need of rest. No, not sleep, but rest…soul deep rest.

That need for rest changed quickly when I encountered some unexpected tide changes and felt like life was swallowing me whole. I spent a lot of time in bed, a lot of time avoiding allergies, a lot of time figuring out what exactly I could eat, and too much time asleep and hiding away in my room.

For about 3 weeks I was in a deep pit. The only words I can think of to describe those weeks are confusion, loneliness, and sadness. Then I came back to school. It was okay, my classes are stressful and difficult, but that’s life.

Then, I was so blessed to receive an internship that the Lord had so evidently ordained. (Yo De’maria, God is cool, thanks for letting him use you to introduce an epic opportunity! Love u brother!!!!!!!)

I was convinced I was on the other side of the valley and now approaching the highlands.

Then I was driving back to school from a friend’s house when I encountered some car damage. No need to fret the details, but let’s just say that it has almost been a week and the sound of things being dropped or of a kick drum still send chills down my back.

I’ve called my mom every day, no matter what it was that was messing with my head and my heart, she’s talked me off the ledge and covered me in prayer. My dad checks in every day to make sure I’m all good. I am very grateful.

But something that I’ve had to come to terms with is that no matter how many people I surround myself with, or how much time I spend in bed listening to sad songs, my soul wasn’t going to find peace apart from the Father.

It may seem weird to you, but in the midst of all of this, one of the hardest things to do has been to pick up my bible, get out my favorite pen, and ask the Lord to surround me and teach me.

But Carrie, don’t you love God and trust Him??

Yes, but when in the pits of anxiety, loneliness, and possibly a ‘lil bit of depression, it can be really hard to trust the One who is in control.

That may seem like a conflicting sentence but bear with me…

Shamefully, I didn’t truly get back into the word until I attended Passion Conference 2020.

When I finally realized that I was incapable of healing myself, I turned to scripture to remind myself of God’s faithfulness.

I turned to Exodus 14, the deliverance of the Israelites. But woah, woah, woah, did the Lord reveal something to me.

The first verses of Exodus 14 consist of the Lord telling Moses to tell the Israelites to turn around, and to go back towards the Red Sea.

Scripture reads, “Tell the Israelites to turn back and camp in front of Pi-hahiroth, between Migdol and the sea; you must camp in front of Baal-zephon, facing it by the sea.”

If I was Moses, at this point I would’ve stopped the Lord and said, “Hey now, that’s a super dumb idea, that’s going back towards where we’re trying to run from.”

But instead, Moses kept listening. The Lord said, “Pharaoh will say of the Israelites: They are wandering around the land in confusion; the wilderness has boxed them in. I will harden Pharaoh’s heart so that he will pursue them. Then I will receive glory by means of Pharaoh and all his army, and the Egyptians will know that I am Yahweh.” So the Israelites did this.

[Italics mine]

So wait a minute, you’re telling me that God commanded that the Israelites go back, and camp by the Red Sea, while the Egyptians pursue them on all sides? How is this going to go well? How are they going to escape? Why would God put them in the path of death when He just rescued them?

Let me tell ya what Jesus taught me.

When the Israelites obeyed the Lord and literally put themselves between a rock and a hard place (or a sea and an army), the Egyptians thought they were stupid and figured the Israelites would either drown or die trying to fight. When actually, there was a third option.

To trust in the Almighty God who had already delivered them once, and have faith that He will do it again.

But the Israelites didn’t fully follow through with that third option, instead, they began to doubt and tell Moses that he never should have made Pharaoh release them.

But then The Lord spoke, He instructed Moses to lift his staff and then put it into the water, and then the sea split.

The waves didn’t just get smaller.

The waters didn’t just become shallow.

No. The entire sea. Split. In. Two.

Two walls of water, with dry land in between them, open and waiting for the Israelites to pass through.

So let me break this down for you.

1. No, I do not believe that this recollection of this story is directly related to my current situation and can be directly applied. I am not going to gather my problems into one place, shove a stick in the middle of them, and then expect them to split up and claim the victory.
2. I believe this story reminds us of the faithfulness and steadfastness of God.

I am so between a rock and a hard place right now. Sometimes it truly feels like the enemy is coming at me on 3 sides and on the 4th is a giant body of water, that if I try to cross, it will drown me in an instant.

In reality, I am exactly where I need to be for the Lord to deliver me and receive all of the glory.

I am not able to win the victory for myself.

I am incapable of defeating my giants on my own.

I am 100% lacking the ability to split the sea, and reveal a path of deliverance.

and the same goes for you too.

No amount of deflection, lack of acknowledgement of the situation, and walls can save you.

But guess who already has the victory in His hands, and deserves all the glory for the victories to come?

You guessed it, The Lord God Almighty.

So, yeah, life could be better, and I’m sure yours could be too.

But will you choose to focus on the surroundings, or turn your eyes upward?

Will you choose to be desperate and hopeless, or to have faith that the One who is higher than you has it all under control?

Will you fight your own battles and lose, or rely on the One who has already won?

I don’t know about you, but there is way too much evidence of God’s power, strength, ability, and faithfulness for me to, even for a second, doubt Him.

Turn your eyes up my friends, take them off of the battle at hand, and focus on the One who holds it all in His hands.

Your deliverance is coming, but not for you, for the glory of God.

So that all the world will know, that HE is YAHWEH.